How to Maintain Close Friendships
Friendships are a critical part of a healthy and vibrant life, yet we often don’t even realize how important these connections truly are. Countless studies have shown a strong link between relationships and happiness. People who are more socially connected live longer, and are less likely to be stressed, depressed, or suffer memory decline. Relationships make a happy life.
Meanwhile, loneliness is associated with a number of damaging physical and mental effects and has even been said to be one of the most critical public health issues of our time.
Relationships of all kinds are important to a happy life - family, friends, casual acquaintances, romantic partners, the everyday people you interact with, but this post focuses specifically on friendships as that seems to be coming up a lot in both my life and conversations I have been having with people.
Below are some tips on how to maintain close friendships.
Make the effort. Really this entire post could come down to this point - the value of making an effort in your friendships. Relationships take effort and they need effort from both people in order to thrive. We are all busy and we all have other obligations, but if you want to have successful friendships, then you have to make the effort. Make the phone call, go to dinner, show up for the big life events, do your part. There are plenty of times that I do not feel like going to something, but I never regret it when I make that effort. The truth is that you will not have close friendships if you do not put in the effort.
Show up when it matters. You probably have that one friend, if you are lucky, you might have more than one. The friends that you can just count on, who show up when you need it, who you know will be there. Think about how much you appreciate them and value them and try to be that person. Be the type of friend that people can count on and show up when you are needed most. Whether your friend is going through a breakup, has lost a loved one, or just having a bad day, show up when it matters most.
Don’t discount the small gestures. Small, personal gestures go a long way in helping to maintain connection and close friendships. If you don’t have time for a long phone call, try having a quick, five minute call. Or send a text just letting someone know that you are thinking about them. It doesn’t have to be big to make a difference and maintain closeness.
Acknowledge if you aren’t pulling your weight. We have all probably been in situations where we feel that a relationship has become one-sided and it can be exhausting. And while things do not always have to be tit-for-tat, look at your relationships and notice if there are any where you have not been pulling your weight.
Share your appreciation. I have one friend in particular who is great at this. She always sends a thank you note or text and lets you know how much she appreciates you. It doesn’t take a lot to communicate your appreciation and it means so much to people to receive that. Share your appreciation and your love with the people in your life that matter.
Communicate. Good communication can cut down on resentment and help to set expectations. If you are going through an exceptionally busy time and don’t have as much capacity, don’t be afraid to communicate that and let people know what to expect from you. If you have to cancel on someone, immediately set up another, concrete time to meet (one of my friends shared that rule and I love it!). Don’t just let your relationships fall by the wayside.
