F*ck the shoulds

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ” 

-       Mark Twain

The other day I was talking with a friend and the conversation veered into all of the things that we “should” be doing. Not the little, everyday ones like “I should be working instead of scrolling on Instagram,” but the big, what-am-I-doing-with-my-life shoulds. The shoulds that sound like:

I should settle down and buy a house 

I should have another kid

I should find a stable, 9-5 job

I should stay in a relationship that doesn’t light me up

I should, I should, I should

Depending on your life circumstances, I am sure you have your own, unique set of shoulds. Whether it is from society, your family, your peers, or even yourself, there can be a great deal of pressure to do certain things and expectations to have life look a particular way. But as my friend and I eventually asked each other – do you actually want any of those things that you think you should have?

The number one regret of the dying is that they wished they had had the courage to live the life they wanted, instead of living the life that others expected of them. I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely depressing that so many people are dying with so many dreams unfulfilled and having lived a life that wasn’t what they wanted, all because of what others expected.

I get it, that pressure and those expectations can be suffocating, but at the end of the day, no one else knows what is best for you and what is going to make you the happiest. Take the time to get quiet and think about what it is that you really want, free from the expectations of other people.

Living life this way can be more challenging – it takes a lot of courage and a willingness to be a little different. You might make some people angry along the way and will definitely confuse some people. You will probably be misunderstood. But isn’t that all worth it to live how you actually want to live? 

So, the next time you find yourself thinking that your life should look a certain way or that you should take a certain action that doesn’t feel aligned, ask yourself what it is that you really want. And f*ck the shoulds.