Making new friends
When was the last time you made a new friend?
Depending on your age and lifestyle, it may have been awhile. It is a complaint that I hear often - it is extremely difficult to make friends as an adult. And the research seems to back that up, showing that people tend to lose many of their friendships as they get older, move to different cities, and various obligations take over their lives.
Yet friendships and connection are a critical part of living a healthy life. And in my experience, I have found that it isn’t necessarily difficult to make new friends, but it does require some time and effort.
As someone who has moved a lot as an adult, I have had to learn how to make new friends in new places and have found that most people are friendly and open to meeting new people. Below are my secrets to making friends as an adult. Try them out next time you want to expand your friend group!
Decide what you are looking for - this will help determine the best way to meet your new friends. Are you moving to a new city and want to meet people who physically live there? Do you have plenty of friends where you live but want more friend who are interested in one of your hobbies? Maybe you recently had a baby and want to connect with more moms/dads? Figuring out what type of friend you want will allow you to know how best to meet those people.
Friends of friends - this is probably one of the easiest ways to meet new friends and how I have met some of my closest friends as an adult. Make your desire to meet new people known and ask your current friends if there is anyone they can introduce you to. You will already have a built in connection with that new person and since they are friends with your existing friend, you can be reasonably sure that they are cool person :)
Use your built in network - is there anyone at your job that could be a potential friend? Does your college have an alumni network that you can tap into? Having a shared experience with someone is a great groundwork for friendship as it builds familiarity with new people and is an easy way to start a conversation when meeting someone new.
Go to events - go to events that interest you and look for ways to engage in conversation with the other people there, instead of endlessly scrolling on your phone. Talking about the event you are at is an easy conversation opener. In general, getting off your phone and engaging with the people around you is a big part of meeting new people.
Join a group - even better than going to a one time event, is joining a group or going to a class that meets regularly. Seeing the same people over and over will breed familiarity and help you feel more comfortable approaching them as potential friends. So when you are looking to meet new friends with similar interests, consider going to a weekly yoga class, joining a sports team, or finding a group that is centered around your interest.
Use social media - social media is a relatively painless way to make new friends and can be a great way to connect with people you might not otherwise come in contact with. If you see someone in your city or who has similar interests to you, shoot them a message.
Initiate - the hardest part of the friend making process, but without it, the previous steps are kind of pointless. At some point you have to put yourself out there and initiate. Similar to asking someone on a date, it does take some courage and willingness to look awkward. Ask the person for their number, suggest grabbing a coffee or going for a hike, and actually make the effort to hang out.
Be vulnerable - once you are hanging out with your potential new friend, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and talk about real things. Obviously you don’t have to immediately share your deepest, darkest secrets, especially if it is with someone you aren’t necessarily clicking with, but if you want to deepen your new friendships and make true friends, don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable.
Keep doing it - not everyone you meet is going to be your new best friend, and that is okay. It may take you a couple tries to meet someone you actually want to be friends with, so stick with it. In general, these tips are also great ways to just increase your connections and talk to some interesting people.
So there you have it - the best ways to make new friends. Not too difficult, right? But as I mentioned, it does require effort and a willingness to put yourself out there. Let me know your favorite way to meet new friends!
