How to Make Big Decisions
I am moving! To New York City! After spending the last seven years in different parts of California, I am going back to the east coast (I am originally from Boston) for a new adventure and challenge. I will periodically share more on this new journey in the coming months as I trade in my California sunsets for city skyline sunrises.
As with any big, semi-risky decision, there are a lot of different emotions. I am excited for this next chapter, sad about leaving, and a little nervous about the unknown. So, how did I make this decision? Below I am sharing some tips for how to make a big life decision. They can apply to any scenario and I hope you find them helpful as you make any hard decisions in your life.
Recognize You Want Something Different. The first step to making a big decision is recognizing that you want something different. As we saw throughout the pandemic, having time to slow down and get quiet is key in order to know that you want a change. Whether it is meditation, journaling, or getting out in nature, use your tools to periodically check in with yourself and what it is you want.
Keep Your Circle of Opinions Small. When you don’t know what to do, it can be tempting to get a bunch of different opinions. But that is usually the worst thing you can do, especially if you are thinking about making a big decision. Everyone is going to have their own biases and ideas of what you should do and it can make the process very confusing, especially when you are in the beginning stages of figuring it all out. Pick one or two trusted friends or family members, who understand your values and can hold the bigger vision for you, that you can turn to.
Tune Into Your Body. We all are familiar with the classic pro/con list and while that can be a helpful tool for outlining all the different aspects and consequences of a decision, it can be somewhat useless for actually make a decision. I think that it is much more helpful to tune into your body and see how a decision feels than to endlessly think through a decision logically. No matter what the decision is, you will probably have a list of pros/cons that looks pretty even. Instead, listen to your body. Does it feel excited and expansive or contracted and a sense of dread when thinking about the options?
Try it Out. This one is a little easier to do when it comes to moving, but no matter what the decision is, you can try it out before you decide. Whether it is physically going to a place, or just visualizing what it would look and feel like if you made a certain decision, spend some time thinking about and feeling into all the different aspects of what it would look like. And notice how you feel as you do this.
Know that Fear is Normal. Being fearful doesn’t mean that you are making the wrong decision, it usually just means that you are doing something new and uncertain. We hate uncertainty and would rather stay with something we know than try something different (even if what we know is just okay). Inaction is the familiar path. Just know that fear is a normal part of the process and recognize it for what it is.
Take Action! The hardest part. You have made the decision and are feeling good about it, but as mentioned above, humans are wired to dislike uncertainty and you will probably be feeling some fear and questioning if that means you made the wrong decision. It probably does not and recognize that the part right before ripping the band-aid off and going for it, is going to be the hardest and the time when you most likely want to turn back. Eventually you are just going to have to leave the certainty behind and take a leap of faith.
Know that Nothing is Permanent. Free yourself from having to make the perfect, right decision. Just about anything can be reversed. Move and hate it? Move somewhere else. Quit your job and the new one sucks? Get a different job. Start a business and it doesn’t work out? Try something else. I am of the belief that the only wrong decision is choosing to stay the same and never try anything new. So go ahead and take whatever “risky” decision you are contemplating!
